Well the "date" didn't go as well as I was hoping. When I'm around other people with the person I like/wanna do I seize up and become a shell of what I am when I'm alone with someone. This was previously mentioned the last time I was with Amanda when Calvin was also at my house; Of course that story had a happy ending. This one is a bit different.
See, first of all, she brought Katt, her vagina's guardian. Katt also doesn't like me, but her bark is a lot louder than her bite. We didn't really exchange words at all, in fact I barely said anything. Again, I seize up with other people when I'm around with my crush. I get worried about the judgments of my...I guess what I would call flirting. Not only that but the previous mentions of "we're going as just friends" kind of just cut off any forward momentum I would've had. I waited for them outside for a bit, worrying over whether or not I'd be stood up. Thankfully I wasn't but I got the message "just outside for a smoke". Now she's previously told me that she doesn't smoke but I know that Katt does I didn't see her smoke one though. I hope she wasn't lying to me because I really can't stand smokers. The fact that she didn't was a big plus for her but that might be down the drain now.
We ended up seeing that new Adam Sandler movie, I chose it because she likes Grown Ups as well so I knew it'd be more of the same with a rom-com twist. Overall it was an okay movie, typical rom-com with a few decent jokes. I tried to be as open as possible to the comedy (i.e laugh a lot more) because I figured there would be some groan worthy jokes in there. Surprisingly not as many as you'd think but it's Adam Sandler and I like his movies so yeah, this isn't a review blog, back to the whole thing. Basically Amanda and Katt sat huddled together talking, I didn't really know what to say if anything (we were in a movie) and I didn't exactly want to make any kind of move (the only one I knew being an arm over the shoulder) especially when its "just friends", we're in a crowded theater, and her best friend/pussy protector sitting right beside her.
Half way through the movie I stopped debating with myself over whether or not to make a move or to try and impress Amanda somehow. I talked about dating and being charming with my dad before and he basically gave me perfect advice, "You're not out there with people trying to impress them, you're just there to be yourself, the people who like you for you will stay and the assholes who don't won't. That's just how it works". I remembered this talk with him and decided to just let whatever happens happen. Especially with the leash of "just friends" looming over me. I figured that maybe when she's not as busy I'll see her more and if not, then fuck her there's always another one.
Now recently one of my friends got into a relationship after being single. I was talking to them about singleness because I was thinking of asking her out but at the same time I thought that we are just friends and the only time I'd do her would be drunk at a party by mistake, although I always mention I would fuck her in a second. When I was talking with her I mentioned that I was basically lonely and really wanted a relationship with anyone to which she replies "You should enjoy being single, it's better than you'd think" meanwhile she consistently bitches about being single, having no life, and generally being sad. Now, this is mostly just her being a dumb bitch because she is actually going to parties a lot of the time, going to bars (now that she's 19) and if not that then hanging out with friends. She has no reason to bitch. I found it hypocritical that she preached to me about how being single is good while she moaned about it to me and is now in a relationship with someone.
I honestly don't mind being single, at least not today. I'm kind of just accepting a whole "I don't need someone to make me happy" kind of mentality. Right now I'm just trying to lose weight and I keep telling myself I'm dieting, but as I look back on the day I realize I ate a shit ton more than I should of. Today I decided to really focus on not eating too much, at first I aimed at 2000 calories a day (the typical diet range according to nutritional info boxes) but now its mostly eat something small for breakfast, maybe something at lunch and then whatever dinner is while trying not to snack. I do workout as well but not as much as I'd like, mostly out of laziness. In fact I should be starting my 20-30 min workout in a half hour but I'll probably just lift my barbell a few times and do some push ups. I actually have a whole thing I've planned out that hit a lot of areas, but those two focus a lot on my arms so I'm fine with that. Ugh, I don't know what else to say. Sorry if this post kind of sucks (read: unfunny), not really in a writing mood today for some reason.
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