Today

My mental appointment is today; 1:30pm. Figured I should gather some thoughts before I go.

I hit my highest weight basically again; yesterday I think I hit 267 and I've been 270-280 before, but 260 was my first plateau that I hit during keto, then crushed with actual weightloss later; but now I'm back. I've been looking back through the weightloss forum's FAQs and I guess I'll have to meticulously track my calories; seems to be the only way to be sure and actually lose weight. I'm going to be incorporating more fruit and veg into my diet but eating them first and when they're avaliable. General ideas are no more purchasing chips or fast food regardless of hungry, time, place, drunkeness. I'm going to stop drinking for the rest of this month even if I hang out with some of my friends.

Idea is I'll lose 10 lbs for March; high hopes. I am also thinking that will kickstart me back on track, seeing the number that has been climbing steadily finally go down.

My weight didn't seem to bother me before; I was fine with my plateau and I wasn't thinking about relationships as obsessively before (I know its a repeating pattern, but I hit a zen and was okay for awhile). These are the key points I want to go over. My jealously, my self-conciousness, my lack of self control and level of distraction brought from my overthinking the issues in my life. I'm procrastinating studying to type this out but I think it'll help out overall.

I feel fat again; It sucks. Going to eat less than 1000 cals if I can and add bike on top of that. I need to atleast get down more than my beginning weight; I feel as though I've thrown everything away.