Sexual Frustration and the Bro Code

The door closes.

I breathe I sigh of relief. He's gone, there is a girl here. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick in or around her mouth.

I ask about the movie she wanted to bring over before, she came over on a whim and I thought she might have the foresight to bring it. She didn't; I decide to download it. In the meantime we'll play her video game that she left here last time.

I put the game in and sit down, she snuggles closely to me, leaning her head on my chest. I smell her hair, kiss her head.

"Not to sound creepy, but your hair smells nice"
"Thanks -looks up and smiles at me-"

I play the game. I ask her if she wants a turn, she takes it for a little bit and hands it back stating just mainly just likes to watch. Whatever. She snuggles in more, rubs my arm.

Inner Monologue: Is this wrong? I don't know. He said it was okay.

I notice the movie is done downloading, we start the movie. I lean more into the couch both to provide more slack to my pants and get my head closer to hers. The first bit is going good, we somehow find a way to get closer together. My inner voices quiet down, mutters about feelings and such, I know this isn't anything, right now it's lust, pure and simple. I make a joke about what's happening on the screen, I've seen the movie before. She looks up at me, smiles, looks down to my lips.

This is it. This is the kiss. Once the first step is done then I'm in the clear.

She closes her eyes, leans in ever so slightly.

You go 90, they go 10. It's the wrong order but I'll take it.

I start to lean in, voices boom louder, yelling, my feelings are still fighting on the battlefield. But the enemy's gate is down, and that's what really matters.

I can feel her breath on my lips when I hear the knocking. I knew I should have texted him. I should have told him to fuck off, that tonight was the fucking night where this dry spell finally goes away.

We both pull back, the moment is gone. A flashback from the night I got fired races back into my head as I stand up. This moment has played out before.

-flashback-
Calvin urges Natalie to come outside for a smoke, Brendyn is almost out the door. Natalie passes him a smoke and says she doesn't want one. They leave and the steps go outside. I hear their voices from the open window. Natalie looks at me.

"Finally they're gone." She smiles.

Christ, it's those eyes. They're so similar...fuck, no, I can't. I lick my lips, they're dry from alcohol, she licks hers. Oh fuck, oh fuck no, I can't do this. Bro code. The voices yell and scream "He fucked it up, your chance is now, take it!". I almost do, I lean forward ever so slightly and immediately pull out, I play it off as my drunken stupor even though right now I have never been more focused. She leans into me and puts her head on my shoulder. Motherfucker, why? Why couldn't this have happened when Calvin was cool with this, I asked you out forever ago, but now he's in love with you because you slept in his bed. You should have been sleeping in mine that night, Christ. This whole situation is fucked. I stop my arm involuntarily going over her as they both come back into the room. Calvin sits back down, puts his arm over her, hover handing it oblivious to what just happened in my head. I feel content in my drinking as I pound another test tube.

-end flashback-

I open the door, Brendyn is peering through the eye piece. For some reason I feel like snarling, it works for cats and dogs it should work for this, I stop myself. He takes a few steps in, sees Natalie.

"Oh you guys are busy I should leave"

Natalie and I look at each other, I look back to Brendyn. Everything, every single fiber of my being screams at me to tell Brendyn that yes, you should go and fuck yourself. But...I can't, I can't do this. I say "nah come in", even I can tell I'm saying it with false enthusiasm. He walks in, dumps his shit and starts yelling about what movie we're watching, for the next hour or so, it is nothing but fart jokes and loud obnoxious noises. I've never thought Brendyn to be this annoying, not only that, but this oblivious, take a hint and leave. Whenever he mentions he has to go, we both pipe up that he should do that now, or that he should go. Natalie took a particularly zealous stance on Brendyn leaving, which I thought was both nice and mean at the same time.

Finally, after being a constant nuisance he leaves.

We look at each other, thankful that he's gone. I hate and love myself again. This is weird play for my confidence. We play the video game again, the movie being long over and long ruined. Brendyn is not one to have around for a scary movie. She lies on me, her head almost in my crotch, my jeans block the erection from slapping her in the face. I giggle slightly.

I hear a buzzing. Shit, my dad is texting me.

I ask her to hand me my phone, not wanting her face to leave my crotch. I check my phone.

"Be there in 15"

Fuck me, Fuck Brendyn, Fuck my Dad, Fuck Calvin, Fuck everything about this. I can fuck everyone but Natalie can't I? God damn it.

I tell her I have to leave soon, she moans in agony.
"Whyyyyy?"
"I have to visit my family for christmas."
"Well we should set something up for after christmas."
"I should be back the 28th"
"Okay -smile- we can watch my other scary movies together."

I don't care what you just said Natalie, you're coming back, I'll be alone, everyone should be out of the house, finally no interruptions. Just pure simple lust and pleasure. Except no.

This battlefield is scarred, this battlefield is war torn and bodies litter the craters. The final bridge to be crossed is rigged to explode. I can't cross it, a small part of me wants to, lust is a fickle thing, but everything else wants that bridge to hold. I can't do it. I want to, but I can't. I've been thinking about it this whole time, the entire visit has been nothing but "I can't wait to bang Natalie on the 28th, I can't wait to bang Natalie on the 28th". We've been texting each other back and forth, asking about holidays, confirming the plans for the 28th. Everything is set to go.

Now word has come in from command that I am forbidden from what I've been desiring. I have to take that command, despite what I may want, I have to take it.