I have self-esteem issues. 100%
I've always thought I didn't look good, at least on the outside. It's the reason I'm not confident with women. My mind likes to doubt me in the moment, that's why I like being drunk, it dulls that mind voice. I figure if I work on my weight problem, then maybe I'll think of myself as attractive enough that a girl might want to fuck me as much as I want to fuck them. That's what I'm trying to achieve here.
I believe I have a good personality, I'm pretty sure I'm funny. I call myself funny at least, so I have to back it up somehow with jokes. I guess I'm not just funny while being serious/introverted on a blog, it's hard to make jokes while I talk about my actual problems, my sarcasm/self-depreciating humor is typically used as a fishing method for compliments. That's my theory anyway. Maybe I just won't admit to myself, reverse psychology is not the right word for what I'm doing, but I'm trying to over-analyze what I do and why.
Perhaps that's the wrong way to do it. Should I just do shit and not think about the reasons for said action. Instant gratification works so well for everything else. Except yeah, fuck that, I have to think about what I'm doing in some parts. It's an even mix then. Life is hard.
Christ, I have to stop thinking or something.
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