I'm glad Commander Brain prepares for shit like this. The Pessimist inside me saves us all once again. Girl Issues. Girls Issues are the bane of my existence. I've had a girl say to me she isn't ready for a relationship once before, that was Madelaine. That entire scenario was a total mindfuck. It seems to be happening again, but at a much earlier stage. Thank god. This is the normal time to say shit like that, before someone has invested completely. I don't know whether or not this means we're just friends, I'm trying to talk her into something more, but she's hesitant. Calvin is talking with her tomorrow; right now, he's my ace in the hole. If she does indeed talk to him about her "Girl Issues" maybe he'll solve it and spin it my way. That would at least give me some short term happiness. I really want some sex.
I was doubting this from the moment I started writing the previous blog. The mindfucks and red flags were already appearing. I was talking myself down that night, don't be invested. It's just a kiss, just a makeout, just a little pleasure rubbing. My mind couldn't comprehend what I was saying but it was saying it none the less. I don't understand how people in this day and age can just... Live in the moment with such careless disregard. Clearly we both want something, she says she's not ready for something. Hmm. Mindfuck indeed.
Ugh, I have class in about 6 hours, its a 3 hour class. I don't want to wake up. I want to dream. I want to realize my dream, live in it. I want to live out my fantasy in my dream, because my fantasy just fell apart in the real world. That was a short one.
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