Well, it's my birthday. I'm 19 today, I can officially go to a bar, get drunk and hopefully score with a chick. Sadly there are few bars/no clubs where I live, I have little to no money for booze, and I don't have a car to pick up a chick in, not to mention my excruciating social awkwardness. My birthday went okay, nothing really happened although that's typical in my birthdays. Usually x-mas is my big look forward to holiday and soon it won't be as I won't be living at home where all the presents are waiting for me. I don't care that I don't get gifts or anything on my birthday mostly because I get to decide what kind of food we're having during the day. I love breakfest and I never have it usually because I'm lazy so I got my mom to make a huge breakfest for me and it was awesome. Other than my birthday I don't really have any news other than my...I guess clingyness towards Amanda...Lets roll with that.
Last night after I posted I was talking to Amanda over text for a short while. After my first message she said she was really in a bad mood and warned me not to talk to her. She's previously warned me that she gets into uber bitchy moods sometimes when bad shit goes down. I figured that it was awesome she had warned me, this means she probably wants me on her good side (and in her good slide OOOOOOHHHH, am I clever or what?). This is obviously in the past so I'm over analyzing it as usual so right now I'm thinking that...hmm, maybe she wanted me to ask about the problem and maybe wanted consoling from me. I don't know. Basically the conversation went like this, gimme your ideas:
"Hey" - "Don't talk I'm in a bad mood" - "Oh okay, thanks for keeping me on your good side :)" - "Yeah, Katt isn't talking to me" - "Ah, I'll shut up then but I'll text you tomorrow on my b-day :)"
Right after she said that Katt wasn't talking to her, my kind of gut nice guy response was to be all "Oh that sucks, how about I talk to you?", but I gave it a second thought. If she's in a bad mood and she gets really bitchy she's probably right to warn me away. Now I usually like to think I can get people in a good mood with my humor although an angry person doesn't provide the best comedic fodder for me. Another reason I didn't try was because of my previous experience with my ex, she never liked any kind of humor during a "serious" discussion, in other words, any tiny little bullshit problem. I figure when a girl refers to herself as being in a bitchy mood its a good thing to run away before you're caught in the torrent of shit that's sure to be flinging around. A lack of faith in the ole' romantic comedy way of courting might have had a bit to do with it too. I didn't want to be that funny friend that eventually hooks up with them after they realize that, "oh my god my best friend could possibly be a good fit for my douchebag ravaged vagina".
Now that I think about it again...Katt isn't talking to her...Katt hates me...I might be going to see a movie with Amanda, the kids and maybe Katt. Could I possibly have something to do with this? Or is that just ego, penis ego that is, he likes to feel like he's special. If I am the problem then I feel awesome, mostly because it would mean Amanda just picked my side in a feud with her best friend. SUCK IT DARTH BITCH VADER (see last post). If she's not going to see a movie with Katt, maybe the whole thing with the kids will fall out. Then maybe I can hang out with her alone! Oh god I hope that's it. Should have thought of that when I had my cake and my wish to blow on something. My wish was close to that, but better. Anyways, even if the kids are still on, then at least I'm not competing with Katt for Amanda's attention. Of course all of this doesn't even have to be about me which means that I still have to make the trench run with no back up.
So yeah. She wished me happy birthday today which made me smile, over text no less, the only person to do so. Everyone else just uses facebook and a lot of my close friends didn't even bother, sigh. Oh well they're hanging out with me for two days, that's consolation enough. I think I might text Amanda now about the movie tomorrow, hopefully its still on, and hopefully its not still on. I don't really care, I just need to see her...mostly because I want to kiss her. I can pull that off in public right? Wish me luck and say Happy Birthday...assholes.
Saturday, 5 March 2011
Friday, 4 March 2011
Not the dating type.
To some people this might sound awesome, to others, and by others I mean the majority, this will sound really fucked up. See, I haven't gone out on a date with someone unless I've already done them. How sad is that? I have to bend someone over for them to go out with me. In fact, my ex didn't even accept my asking for a date for the longest time even though I was doing her. Amanda seems good to go after one though, so I'm happy about that.
I was talking with her today, saying I'm excited about my birthday (tomorrow) and I mentioned that we should hang out the next day, 'cause I've got family shit on my actual b-day. Anyways, it seems that the kids want to go to the movies with her...I know what you're thinking, and no, she is not a single mom, that's something I'm not quite ready for. Basically she's got these kids, Summer, Owen, Justin, and Sawyer (Oh yeah, I memorized that shit, it never hurts to know the people closest to her), she seems to have some kind of aunt/older sister thing going with them (she's not related I think, I guess they're just friends? I didn't really ask for a back story). The movie is actually something I wanted to see and I really really want to see Amanda, to the point where I no longer give a shit if we're not there alone or not.
The second (or I guess third if you count the public-ness) is that apparently Katt might be coming along for the show. I've already mentioned that Katt seems very protective of Amanda, honestly I'm harmless. I don't plan on giving her a black eye (unless its with my dong, and then that'd be an accident...a hilarious accident). Oh, did I forget to mention that the kids are protective as well, which I would assume, they're kids and if I'm trying to take away their "big sister" figure they'll probably not like me too much. This "date" as I'm calling it seems more and more like a suicide mission. I guess I could compare it to the Death Star run. My Darth Vader is Katt, her wingmen would be the kids, and my objective is to launch my proton torpedo into Amanda's thermal exhaust port. I just need a Han and Chewie to save me before I'm blown out of the sky...
In other news, my oldest (known the longest) friend Nick is going through a bit of a stump as well with the ladies. Basically, he's going through the routine I went through long ago with my ex. This is bad, I'm trying to tell him to not go down the path I went down. Honestly I felt really hurt (cue sad emo music now) mostly because of how I was treated for a long time. As he describes the situation to me I keep telling him how similar it all is. Now him and I are very much alike (the reason we're friends) so I'm trying to make him understand that he's fighting a losing battle, I couldn't do it and I asked everybody I knew or felt close to about tips, hints, answers, anything! He asks me for information and I'm very happy for that, I can guide him into a different route, most likely a better one than I. The plan as of now is observation, she's been acting weird according to him. I said "Give it a week, if it doesn't change confront her". I think this is the best way to go, I only confronted my ex a few times and every single time was the same, "I need more time". That's truly the only reason I feel hurt by her, I was treated unfairly, and I don't want that to happen to Nick. I don't want him to end up hating one of his friends who he seems to like.
Basically I'm steering him into an ultimatum. Date him, or just be friends and leave. It is the most confusing and frustrating thing to "be friends" with someone while they try to be close to you / manipulate you through sexual favors, then when you try to be close or try to start a relationship you're shut down at every possible moment. This is what's happening to Nick. I know whats going to happen and I feel a need to stop it for him now. I took one for the team with my ex (read: now she won't do that to someone else), but this other bitch probably doesn't know what it's going to do to one of my best friends, but I do. Luckily Nick has given himself a time limit, a time limit I must enforce for himself to start something with this girl. If he continues to be strung along until he gets home and doesn't get anything resembling a true relationship (i.e the girl admits to them being an item), then I must beat the living shit out of Nick and tell him it's not working and to give up before he's more hurt. I don't want him to waste as many years as I did on someone who isn't worth the pain.
I was talking with her today, saying I'm excited about my birthday (tomorrow) and I mentioned that we should hang out the next day, 'cause I've got family shit on my actual b-day. Anyways, it seems that the kids want to go to the movies with her...I know what you're thinking, and no, she is not a single mom, that's something I'm not quite ready for. Basically she's got these kids, Summer, Owen, Justin, and Sawyer (Oh yeah, I memorized that shit, it never hurts to know the people closest to her), she seems to have some kind of aunt/older sister thing going with them (she's not related I think, I guess they're just friends? I didn't really ask for a back story). The movie is actually something I wanted to see and I really really want to see Amanda, to the point where I no longer give a shit if we're not there alone or not.
The second (or I guess third if you count the public-ness) is that apparently Katt might be coming along for the show. I've already mentioned that Katt seems very protective of Amanda, honestly I'm harmless. I don't plan on giving her a black eye (unless its with my dong, and then that'd be an accident...a hilarious accident). Oh, did I forget to mention that the kids are protective as well, which I would assume, they're kids and if I'm trying to take away their "big sister" figure they'll probably not like me too much. This "date" as I'm calling it seems more and more like a suicide mission. I guess I could compare it to the Death Star run. My Darth Vader is Katt, her wingmen would be the kids, and my objective is to launch my proton torpedo into Amanda's thermal exhaust port. I just need a Han and Chewie to save me before I'm blown out of the sky...
In other news, my oldest (known the longest) friend Nick is going through a bit of a stump as well with the ladies. Basically, he's going through the routine I went through long ago with my ex. This is bad, I'm trying to tell him to not go down the path I went down. Honestly I felt really hurt (cue sad emo music now) mostly because of how I was treated for a long time. As he describes the situation to me I keep telling him how similar it all is. Now him and I are very much alike (the reason we're friends) so I'm trying to make him understand that he's fighting a losing battle, I couldn't do it and I asked everybody I knew or felt close to about tips, hints, answers, anything! He asks me for information and I'm very happy for that, I can guide him into a different route, most likely a better one than I. The plan as of now is observation, she's been acting weird according to him. I said "Give it a week, if it doesn't change confront her". I think this is the best way to go, I only confronted my ex a few times and every single time was the same, "I need more time". That's truly the only reason I feel hurt by her, I was treated unfairly, and I don't want that to happen to Nick. I don't want him to end up hating one of his friends who he seems to like.
Basically I'm steering him into an ultimatum. Date him, or just be friends and leave. It is the most confusing and frustrating thing to "be friends" with someone while they try to be close to you / manipulate you through sexual favors, then when you try to be close or try to start a relationship you're shut down at every possible moment. This is what's happening to Nick. I know whats going to happen and I feel a need to stop it for him now. I took one for the team with my ex (read: now she won't do that to someone else), but this other bitch probably doesn't know what it's going to do to one of my best friends, but I do. Luckily Nick has given himself a time limit, a time limit I must enforce for himself to start something with this girl. If he continues to be strung along until he gets home and doesn't get anything resembling a true relationship (i.e the girl admits to them being an item), then I must beat the living shit out of Nick and tell him it's not working and to give up before he's more hurt. I don't want him to waste as many years as I did on someone who isn't worth the pain.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
My first "Sorry I missed a post" post
Well this was just gonna be a semi-daily thing anyways, but I find as soon as I start talking or when I've actually got something to talk about I end up rambling and when I think I've got a decent conclusion for the post its ended up being 5 paragraphs. If only I could crank that shit out for school, then I'd be getting straight A's. Well, the reason I didn't post yesterday was basically because when I realized I should have posted it was 2 am. My typical time to start a post is 6-6:30pm, right now its 7:30, mostly because I'm tired. Anyways...hmm, well I'm still at Calvin's house. I've been sneezing and dripping a lot (I'm allergic to cats somewhat, and he's got 4 of 'em). The good thing here is that they have a guest room with an actual bed, and its awesome. For those of you who don't know (all of you) my bed is 3 futon mattresses stacked on each other. Surprisingly comfortable once you get used to it, but not the best thing for your back.
What I was hoping for since I'm here was to hang out with Amanda, because its about 10 minutes closer than my house (not much but better than nothing). I asked her yesterday but she was hanging out with her best friend Katt. Now first things first, I'm not on good terms with Katt. My pursuits into Amanda nether regions have labeled me as an enemy to the gatekeeper of Amanda's vagina, which is apparently her best friend. To give you an idea, Amanda sometimes hands the phone off to Katt when she's driving so that she can text me still. During one of these exchanges she said that Amanda wasn't going to fuck me (Ha, suck it Gatekeeper), to which I replied as gentlemanly as possible that I was going to wreck her best friend so hard she wouldn't be able to walk. Over my dead body. - That can be arranged. [note: that was supposed to be sarcastic...or maybe not? I kind of forget my head at this moment.] - JUST FUCKING TRY IT!...So yeah, pretty sure Katt is not a big fan of my penis and I.
Sadly this meant I couldn't hang out with her yesterday, I've tried getting a hold of her today through MSN but she hasn't been online. I'd try to text her but fuck trying to get a signal. To get a signal here I have had to build a tower out of shoes, an old CD drive and copious amounts of luck and will just to get one bar. This is of course immediately destroyed when my phone vibrates and is knocked out of the single position that grants it access to the wonderful world of texting. The last time I bothered trying to text people at this godforsaken place I ended up losing half of my outgoing texts and missed most of my incoming texts. I'm being forced into a shitty game of broken telephone where one asshole kid is purposely saying I'm a huge idiot to the last kid, just so he has to say it out loud to the whole class. Again, screw building a useless tower of signal just to be fucked over by the cell phone gods.
Tomorrow I get to go home, although it'll be later in the night which means I might be updating later again. The good news is I guess I get to hand out some more resumes and hopefully get a motherfucking job. I really need the money soon to stem the boredom...also, college. I'm out.
What I was hoping for since I'm here was to hang out with Amanda, because its about 10 minutes closer than my house (not much but better than nothing). I asked her yesterday but she was hanging out with her best friend Katt. Now first things first, I'm not on good terms with Katt. My pursuits into Amanda nether regions have labeled me as an enemy to the gatekeeper of Amanda's vagina, which is apparently her best friend. To give you an idea, Amanda sometimes hands the phone off to Katt when she's driving so that she can text me still. During one of these exchanges she said that Amanda wasn't going to fuck me (Ha, suck it Gatekeeper), to which I replied as gentlemanly as possible that I was going to wreck her best friend so hard she wouldn't be able to walk. Over my dead body. - That can be arranged. [note: that was supposed to be sarcastic...or maybe not? I kind of forget my head at this moment.] - JUST FUCKING TRY IT!...So yeah, pretty sure Katt is not a big fan of my penis and I.
Sadly this meant I couldn't hang out with her yesterday, I've tried getting a hold of her today through MSN but she hasn't been online. I'd try to text her but fuck trying to get a signal. To get a signal here I have had to build a tower out of shoes, an old CD drive and copious amounts of luck and will just to get one bar. This is of course immediately destroyed when my phone vibrates and is knocked out of the single position that grants it access to the wonderful world of texting. The last time I bothered trying to text people at this godforsaken place I ended up losing half of my outgoing texts and missed most of my incoming texts. I'm being forced into a shitty game of broken telephone where one asshole kid is purposely saying I'm a huge idiot to the last kid, just so he has to say it out loud to the whole class. Again, screw building a useless tower of signal just to be fucked over by the cell phone gods.
Tomorrow I get to go home, although it'll be later in the night which means I might be updating later again. The good news is I guess I get to hand out some more resumes and hopefully get a motherfucking job. I really need the money soon to stem the boredom...also, college. I'm out.
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