Internet died

This was written like the day after the last one, didn't post till now because the internet died while I typed it. May be writing more tonight, not sure, still working on stuff.

Currently out at parents this weekend as a focus weekend because of tons of nursing stuff.

anyways, heres that last post:
Today we had accreditors come into the school to analyze the program and see if it meets up the nursing standards. Seems to have gone well.

I don't know what I'm typing, this isn't what I want to say.

I feel trapped in my own head, with no one to escape with or to, no knowledge of the the exit is. I'm trapped, it's not necessarily a bad thing, I enjoy my own company; I'm just getting sick of myself. I want to share my ideas and personal thoughts with someone.

I want intimacy.

I also hate women, so that's a bad thing.

I don't hate women, I hate some women.

It's always the women who I end up chasing, I can't find a good one, not a good one that will talk with me.

I'm normally a good "reader" of people, but when it comes to women, I may as well be an English speaking blind man trying to read Chinese.

I think its a hack joke, but women, are just not understandable in any sense. They're either all underhanded liars and conspirators who hide their motives and ambitions to get ahead through exploitation of resources from others. Or they all have no idea what they actually want in life and listen to the liars and conspirators of the male side who hide their motives and ambitions to get ahead through exploitation of resources from others.

i.e women be gold-diggers and attention whores. They don't care about you, or me, or anyone but themselves.

Anyways. I'm getting to a point where I want to be an island. Solitude is bliss, I don't have to worry about shit. On the other hand, I would kill for one night of closeness with someone right now, someone I can trust and talk to, hold and lie next to. It's all I want, another human being to share life with, on a more personal level than friends.

So I fucked off on my doing for changing everything once again, but I have it semi-planned out, my organization is becoming stronger and I feel less overwhelmed, I did actually go to the library yesterday and did my Jarvis work so I'm happy about that.