Just a city boy...

I really hate moving. I'm not moving now, but I've just moved. I moved to the country of all places, not quite the middle of nowhere, but definitely out of the fucking way for a lot of people I know. This means a lot of things to me, most of these things could be solved by having a drivers license, but my parents didn't take me to take the test early, then they went on strike (the license people) and the reason now is that we're broke as shit and can't pay for it.

Basically because I lack this crucial element of a social life I've been sitting at home, alone in my chair and feeling depressed. Usually my friend Calvin is here about 50% of the time, which is pretty sweet, it gives me a person to talk to. Otherwise I'd be talking to friends online, but a lot of them are assholes and avoid all contact online for whatever reason. Another reason I'm depressed because of all this is because I can't walk anywhere, that was my mode of transportation, when I was in the city if you asked me to walk across town I could and would, because it was free, fun, and easy. Now if I want to go somewhere, most likely the store or to hand out resumes, I have to ask my parents for a drive. The drive is about 10-15 minutes to get into town, and that's the crappy town. The actual city where I'd like to go everyday to see my friends is about an hour away. So this last move was one gigantic dump on me.

Now, this move doesn't really hamper my dad, it works for him. He's the reason we moved, his work is right by where we've moved. My mom used to own a spa but it was sucking the life force out of the entire family and she's now changed it so that its not in our house, thank fucking god for that. Some of you might think that my sister is in the same boat as me and hates the move, but she doesn't. She doesn't because her boyfriend (a serious relationship) has a car and a drivers license, so basically he can come visit, or drive her around, any time they want. Not to mention all of her friends are in college meaning she couldn't visit them even if she wanted to. However, my "girlfriend" (read: Amanda, who I've met less than the fingers on my hand and fucked once) isn't really good in terms of coming out to visit. I'm very out of the way for her and she's usually sleeping at friends house who are in town anyways, basically this limits me in my "alone time" with her. I'm very nervous when making moves around other people, when alone I'm fine and can probably talk the pants off a few people, otherwise I'm extremely shy and afraid of the judgements of others. This is why it took me about an hour to go over to Amanda when Calvin was in the room.

Now another reason I know I'm going to hate this move is because my birthday is coming up in a week. It'll be my 19th birthday. In other words, the birthday that allows me to finally get blitz in public/bars. I'm actually excited because my friends are coming over for that, which means I get to finally hang out with some of them. What I used to be excited for was the whole "going to bars" thing. Now...not so much, I can't exactly go to the bars and pick up chicks with no where to go. I've assumed that typically you go to the guys house to fuck when you fuck random strangers. Even if I went to the crappy town, the populace aren't exactly my type of people. They're either ugly, pot smokers, or both. I have nothing against pot. I have huge problems with pot heads, and obnoxious assholes who say "This would be so much better high", "This one time, I got so high...", "I'm sooooo fucking baked duuuuuude". I hate those people, and typically those are the stoners I'm going to find, those are teenagers in crap town. I can't even pick up the habit while I'm here. I plan to in college when I'm away from home, but my dad is strongly against it and I don't want to change his opinion while still under his roof. I'm basically alienated.

Of course, I can't do anything about any of these problems without money. My dad has finally gone back to work (his job is seasonal). Hopefully I'll get a job soon, I'm handing out more resumes on Tuesday, mostly gas stations and other big box stores, easily shit. I guess that's it.

My Parents and I

I think I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, if I have a problem I'll talk to them about it...they're probably third don't the list. First my friends, then my sister, then my parents. I know a lot of people including my friends don't even talk to their parents about anything. Today I got really excited, I was texting Amanda, and she was talking about how comfortable her bed was in comparison to mine and she said I should come over which was awesome to me. Not just because she wanted me over at her house, but that I was even going over to her house. See, my ex kept everything hidden, even from her parents. They don't know she's banged probably 8 guys, done a whole bunch of drugs, and failed high school. When her shit hits the fan, it'll hit hard. Anyways, I was all happy about being able to actually go over to the girls house for once, all I kept texting Amanda when we first started texting was you should come over soon, but I completely forgot that I could go over to her. I feel dumb thinking about it now.

Wow, that's quite the tangent. What was I talking about? My relationship to my parents, right. Anyways, I feel like I can talk about a lot of different problems with them, kind of personal shit sometimes. A lot of it is kind of just basic probing questions, although I ask them about their relationship and compare it to mine. This usually comes out fruitless because their whole system is just fucked up compared to what I'd want. See, my parents are high school sweethearts, so I can't exactly go up to my dad and say How do I meet/pick up girls? He's just as experienced as me. Anyways, I was talking to them about how to be charming, assuming this will attract girls. I'm raised off the internet in terms of sexual health and dating, the things at the top of all the lists are, Humor, Confidence, Charming. All of those blend into the one Casanova type hero I have yet to become. I think I have humor down and I'm just getting the hang of being confident. The only thing left on the list was Charming, so I'll go to my parents, my dad must have had something to help him get my mom and I know he's funny and confident, what makes him charming?

So I asked my mom, what is charming? She didn't quite answer me but gave me something. Women want to feel safe. That's why you see girls with all the muscle junkies and rich guys, the muscle junkies provide the feeling of physical safety, and the rich guys give the safety that only money can provide. She said, if I can make them feel safe then I'll have them.  You don't need to be a muscle bound jerk or rich to get girls, just look at your father. That made me feel good. Then I thought for a second, then I remembered something. Let me tell you about my dad. When he was getting together with my mom he had a car, he was fit, he had money, and he looked old enough to buy booze. What does that make you think of? To me, my dad was the Fonz when he was my age. I don't stand a chance, I still don't have a learners permit, I'm broke as shit (as is my family) and I'm fat. Now, I can fix all of those, but that takes some time and I'm actually taking the time to do it so suck it, but I wish my dad would have slapped me a bit and told me what I'd need to do to get what I want, knowing that what a teenage boy wants most is a girl.

When I get a son, that is what I will teach him, first to be a gentleman, or at least not a complete shithead. Second to take care of himself, physically, mentally, and monetarily. If he only has time for two, I'll give him the money. I plan to be wealthy as shit when I get older if nothing else because I've always hated being poor, months where we don't know if we can pay both the mortgage and the grocery bill. Where I can't go visit my friends because we don't have money for gas. I have to say that I love piracy, if not for piracy I would not be where I am in terms of sanity. The majority of my day is spent playing games, and I get sick of flash games pretty fast so the fact that I can download a game and play it somewhat on my shitty laptop is a blessing.

I leave with a quote from my dad about how to be charming.  
When a girl is talking to you and is telling you about stuff. Remember that stuff, they love that.