I hate.
I can't make decisions.
I envy, I get jealous, I'm selfish.
He looks like he has everything, he makes it out to seem like he has nothing.
I understand...I hope.
I want my best friend more than I want a girl. This is true. I just wish my best friend could see he has the resources to get most girls. He doesn't believe in himself. It's frustrating to say the least. I rarely seem to get the chance to talk to the girl, let along get a girl by herself. I have no money, I have no car, I have no job, to myself I have no looks, and I've even started to doubt my humor, the one thing I've valued my entire life. He's got a car, a job (therefore money if he learned how to manage it), girls typically seem to like him, he's just fucking oblivious, and he's got humor.
I haven't been kissed in 9 months. Why does this bother me so? It didn't bother me before, now it does.
I haven't had a real date in...hmm..maybe a year and a half?
Oh sure, I've had sex. I've fallen into it, every single time. It just happens, I get lucky with it sometimes. Those times are few and far between. I rarely...rarely get a date, or even the courage to ask someone out. I barely talk to girls. Even when I was scatter shotting on the dating site I never got a reply back, never a message. That's why these moments and these time lines are important to me.
From my perspective, he could improve his dating easily, he has the means with which to carry on a successful date at least. I'm at the point in life where I can't just ask a girl over to a movie after school because we're 15 and there is nothing to do. I'm supposed to be taking girls to fun places and shit. Shit I can't afford or take them to.
Is this random babbling? This blog is cathartic, sorry if I hurt you with the last post, I didn't want to write a soft core porn novel. I'm just trying to put what happened on solid (digitally) paper.
I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning since I read your post. Some of me really wants to just say fuck it, and most of me says what the fuck, you need him. I'm at internal conflict with myself.
I'm in the wrong. You've called dibs. But christ...ugh...I can't even say it, it's just impossible. Nothing is going to change. My lust fights a fruitless battle.
Why do I want to cry now? What would I even be crying over? Why am I a girl?
I haven't cried since...shit...it's been a while now hasn't it. Well I better keep the streak going then.
There will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important, there will be other girls, your best friend is more important.
But she leans into me, she cuddles me, she wants me.
No, she doesn't, she hates you for all you know. She comes over to stare at you with those eyes, licks her lips with hatred, she is hating you to death.
Bros before Hoes.
Girls' shouldn't be able to do this. This is how fucking wars are started. This is ridiculous. How did this happen? It happened the same way with Cadie, it seemed like she was showing interest. Yes but she showed perceived interest in both of us, either she wants both of us, a threesome, or its a code cadie. But even cadie hasn't done the shit she's done. Well then fuck.
Bros before Hoes
and also with you.
I think I'm going insane. It's too early, I think I see the sun coming up. She's coming over. It will be a normal evening, and then I will never talk to her again I guess... what the fuck. This isn't a solution.
People need to make decisions, to be adults, we're older now. You're just not asking because you're afraid you won't get the answer you want. If everything doesn't go off without a hitch then I can't make a decision, it has to go perfect. I can't handle things. Life is hard. I don't understand. There will be other girls, your best friend is more important. Bros before hoes and also with you. amen.
I hope this all works out. I can't go back to that place.
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