So yeah, I haven't been home for awhile (read: I've been at Calvin's house since Thursday). Basically meaning I wasn't updating the blog, obviously. Although even if I had updated I don't think I'd have anything interesting to say, but interesting topics are hard to come by now. I'm at a loss for words for how my mind shapes my thoughts now. It's weird, I guess you could call an epiphany of sorts. Usually what I'm thinking about is girls, relationships and my desire to have one. My desire in the past was more of a crippling addiction to the thought of having, perhaps even needing a relationship to retain my sanity and happiness. This addiction led to a mistake I hope to never repeat again.
Sometimes I feel like the process of getting over a break up is done. At other times I feel like it has just begun anew. Maybe that's why a lot of people say you never truly get over anybody? I can safely say I'm over my ex, I have no desire to be with her again. The only thing I would like to do is somehow get back at her, but that is a waste of resources on my part. I for one am sort of a believer in Karma, she'll get whats coming to her.
Bitterness aside, I've grown as a person. I hate how cliche that sounds, but I can't find the right words. The reason behind my thinking is this; I've realized I don't need a relationship to be happy. Something that simple, I feel stupid for never knowing that in the first place. The only things true in my life will be my family and myself. Until the moment comes where I find the one or whatever you want to call her, I think that self improvement is the way to go. After looking for someone for a long time now and talking to people, it seems like the general consensus is that you can't force it. You shouldn't go looking for a relationship, a relationship will find you. It just happens. Of course that's not to say you can just lie back and let it happen...unless you're a slut, but I won't name names.
So my focus right now is improving my self image. This basically means white teeth, slim down, and not smell like I woke up in a pile of dirty hobos. This may seem douchebaggy of me to say, but every time I look in the mirror I'm actually surprised at how good I think I look. My face I mean. I think I'd be attractive to most girls if not for my other downfalls. This means it's a time for change, and time of rally. I've bought a new toothpaste, the stuff that's supposed to whiten within two weeks time which apparently has pretty good reviews. I've brought up my workout bench from the garage so I can finally do other various exercises. Not to mention revamping my workout to specs similar to my dad's old routine which seemed to do well for him so why wouldn't it do well for me? I am the fruit of his loins. Other than that I need to get into a routine of showering and shaving on a regular basis. Right now I'm rocking a sweet nerd shop beard which needs to be cut down as soon as possible.
The only other improvements I can make are getting a job which will lead to money, and learning some languages. I have what seems to be an offer from Walmart for overnights and I will be calling them tomorrow. To be honest I'm not overly optimistic...I should write that rant tomorrow, or at least my reasoning for this point of view. Learning a new language will be surprisingly easy, as I've already listened to some of the tapes my dad gave me, I actually learned a lot from just about an hour. I fell out of listening to them though so that's another habit I need to get into again. Sigh, it's easier than I'm giving it credit for, its the problem of sticking with it. I guess the only habit I need to break is my constant computer attachment. I'll update tomorrow for sure, maybe they'll be good news concerning the job.
-Marz
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