Welcome back even though you've probably never been here before...
Anyways, my situation with Amanda is kind of messing with me. From my observations she seems to like me, or at least wants to do me again which I'm happy with don't get me wrong, but I'd like a relationship. Now I think that's also what she wants but its hard to gauge, she should be coming over to my house to hangout and watch movies (also known as a poor man's date, I'd take her out actually but I don't have a job currently).
The thing is that I don't know whether to continue...like, hmm, I want to say talking but I don't mean talking, I understand the need to talk to her everyday (and yes, I do want to talk to her so I do) but I'm not quite sure as to the whole, building a relationship (i.e friendship) with her at this point.
See, I've been friend zoned before as all guys have and right now guys everywhere are yelling at their monitors "BUT YOU FUCKING JUST FUCKED HER FOR FUCKS SAKE!". I retort with that this same problem has happened to me before (see: ex-girlfriend...I'll get to her when I want to). What I'm thinking about is not exactly the whole "asshole" scenario many nice guys listen to, i.e "omg, he ignores me all day and treats me like shit, you're so nice and talk to me all the time! I wish I had someone like you, but I'm going to go over here and fuck this other guy who's not you". I don't want to be the asshole of that equation, but I don't want to be the nice guy either, I'm sick of that. What I'm trying to do is almost border it. I talk to her everyday, mostly a "hey whats up?" back and forth and then if a conversation starts it goes on, otherwise it dies.
This kind of bugs me if only because I'm so used to being the nice guy and talking for hours and hours, so its mostly OCD and habit that makes me want to send another bunch of texts asking random questions which leads to mannerisms such as her saying "umm" and "uhh" in her texts back. These mannerisms of her speech make me over analyze the conversation. Basically, my mind is made up of various characters that try to be a functioning person and every character is either underdeveloped or over developed and that reflects the weight of their opinion in my overall choice to the situation... I don't know if that's worded clearly or if I've just managed to make a few skulls explode. Anyways, my typical thought process is this:
Caution: Dude...she said uhh, I think we crossed the line
Clingy: That means she hates us, we need to buy her flowers! STAT!
Calm: Shut up shut up shut up...I'm sure its fine, did she answer the question? Yeah? Good, then the conversation is done right?
Logic: Yup
Clingy: We need to keep her interested! People are always interested in people that always want to talk to them right?
Comparison: Okay, if someone texted you non-stop with retarded questions would you want them to fuck you?
Everyone: No....I think?
Comparison: Good, lets just leave it, if she wants to talk, she'll talk.
Logic: Yup
Now, imagine me going through that for every little text I get. Sometimes I don't get to Comparison and I've already sent the retarded questions, although some of them are fine, mostly "getting to know you" questions which I think are fine so hopefully I'm still in the clear. I'm still concerned though about my balance of talking to her and not talking to her. I have this urge to just send her a message like "OMG I LOVE YOU" even though I don't really know her and I'm only met her three times... I'm very clingy, and I understand that it is creepy, I'm trying to stop. Its one of the main reasons I'm doing a blog. To show myself how stupid/creepy some of my decisions and to discuss them both to myself and other randoms on the internet. Christ I go on rambling forever. Thoughts people?
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