Well the good news is that I'm not bored anymore, because I'm at Calvin's house, which means I get someone to talk shit to which is basically the only thing I like doing with my friends, that and video games which we've got plenty of. The bad news is that he also lives in the country, and more country than I do, so he doesn't get any cell signal out here. Essentially that means I have limited access to talking to Amanda, although my need to talk to her is dwindling. I feel the urge to just say hi, other than that (i.e planning anything) I've kind of half given up on. This is because its just such a bitch to get out to my house and she's almost never at her house, I'll plan something with her soon though hopefully. That or get a job to take my mind off of being bored and to get some money rolling in.
I really don't have much to say here today... I'll try and be a bit more interesting tomorrow, maybe talk about the past a bit, don't count on it, I'm here till Thursday.
Monday, 28 February 2011
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Just a city boy...
I really hate moving. I'm not moving now, but I've just moved. I moved to the country of all places, not quite the middle of nowhere, but definitely out of the fucking way for a lot of people I know. This means a lot of things to me, most of these things could be solved by having a drivers license, but my parents didn't take me to take the test early, then they went on strike (the license people) and the reason now is that we're broke as shit and can't pay for it.
Basically because I lack this crucial element of a social life I've been sitting at home, alone in my chair and feeling depressed. Usually my friend Calvin is here about 50% of the time, which is pretty sweet, it gives me a person to talk to. Otherwise I'd be talking to friends online, but a lot of them are assholes and avoid all contact online for whatever reason. Another reason I'm depressed because of all this is because I can't walk anywhere, that was my mode of transportation, when I was in the city if you asked me to walk across town I could and would, because it was free, fun, and easy. Now if I want to go somewhere, most likely the store or to hand out resumes, I have to ask my parents for a drive. The drive is about 10-15 minutes to get into town, and that's the crappy town. The actual city where I'd like to go everyday to see my friends is about an hour away. So this last move was one gigantic dump on me.
Now, this move doesn't really hamper my dad, it works for him. He's the reason we moved, his work is right by where we've moved. My mom used to own a spa but it was sucking the life force out of the entire family and she's now changed it so that its not in our house, thank fucking god for that. Some of you might think that my sister is in the same boat as me and hates the move, but she doesn't. She doesn't because her boyfriend (a serious relationship) has a car and a drivers license, so basically he can come visit, or drive her around, any time they want. Not to mention all of her friends are in college meaning she couldn't visit them even if she wanted to. However, my "girlfriend" (read: Amanda, who I've met less than the fingers on my hand and fucked once) isn't really good in terms of coming out to visit. I'm very out of the way for her and she's usually sleeping at friends house who are in town anyways, basically this limits me in my "alone time" with her. I'm very nervous when making moves around other people, when alone I'm fine and can probably talk the pants off a few people, otherwise I'm extremely shy and afraid of the judgements of others. This is why it took me about an hour to go over to Amanda when Calvin was in the room.
Now another reason I know I'm going to hate this move is because my birthday is coming up in a week. It'll be my 19th birthday. In other words, the birthday that allows me to finally get blitz in public/bars. I'm actually excited because my friends are coming over for that, which means I get to finally hang out with some of them. What I used to be excited for was the whole "going to bars" thing. Now...not so much, I can't exactly go to the bars and pick up chicks with no where to go. I've assumed that typically you go to the guys house to fuck when you fuck random strangers. Even if I went to the crappy town, the populace aren't exactly my type of people. They're either ugly, pot smokers, or both. I have nothing against pot. I have huge problems with pot heads, and obnoxious assholes who say "This would be so much better high", "This one time, I got so high...", "I'm sooooo fucking baked duuuuuude". I hate those people, and typically those are the stoners I'm going to find, those are teenagers in crap town. I can't even pick up the habit while I'm here. I plan to in college when I'm away from home, but my dad is strongly against it and I don't want to change his opinion while still under his roof. I'm basically alienated.
Of course, I can't do anything about any of these problems without money. My dad has finally gone back to work (his job is seasonal). Hopefully I'll get a job soon, I'm handing out more resumes on Tuesday, mostly gas stations and other big box stores, easily shit. I guess that's it.
Basically because I lack this crucial element of a social life I've been sitting at home, alone in my chair and feeling depressed. Usually my friend Calvin is here about 50% of the time, which is pretty sweet, it gives me a person to talk to. Otherwise I'd be talking to friends online, but a lot of them are assholes and avoid all contact online for whatever reason. Another reason I'm depressed because of all this is because I can't walk anywhere, that was my mode of transportation, when I was in the city if you asked me to walk across town I could and would, because it was free, fun, and easy. Now if I want to go somewhere, most likely the store or to hand out resumes, I have to ask my parents for a drive. The drive is about 10-15 minutes to get into town, and that's the crappy town. The actual city where I'd like to go everyday to see my friends is about an hour away. So this last move was one gigantic dump on me.
Now, this move doesn't really hamper my dad, it works for him. He's the reason we moved, his work is right by where we've moved. My mom used to own a spa but it was sucking the life force out of the entire family and she's now changed it so that its not in our house, thank fucking god for that. Some of you might think that my sister is in the same boat as me and hates the move, but she doesn't. She doesn't because her boyfriend (a serious relationship) has a car and a drivers license, so basically he can come visit, or drive her around, any time they want. Not to mention all of her friends are in college meaning she couldn't visit them even if she wanted to. However, my "girlfriend" (read: Amanda, who I've met less than the fingers on my hand and fucked once) isn't really good in terms of coming out to visit. I'm very out of the way for her and she's usually sleeping at friends house who are in town anyways, basically this limits me in my "alone time" with her. I'm very nervous when making moves around other people, when alone I'm fine and can probably talk the pants off a few people, otherwise I'm extremely shy and afraid of the judgements of others. This is why it took me about an hour to go over to Amanda when Calvin was in the room.
Now another reason I know I'm going to hate this move is because my birthday is coming up in a week. It'll be my 19th birthday. In other words, the birthday that allows me to finally get blitz in public/bars. I'm actually excited because my friends are coming over for that, which means I get to finally hang out with some of them. What I used to be excited for was the whole "going to bars" thing. Now...not so much, I can't exactly go to the bars and pick up chicks with no where to go. I've assumed that typically you go to the guys house to fuck when you fuck random strangers. Even if I went to the crappy town, the populace aren't exactly my type of people. They're either ugly, pot smokers, or both. I have nothing against pot. I have huge problems with pot heads, and obnoxious assholes who say "This would be so much better high", "This one time, I got so high...", "I'm sooooo fucking baked duuuuuude". I hate those people, and typically those are the stoners I'm going to find, those are teenagers in crap town. I can't even pick up the habit while I'm here. I plan to in college when I'm away from home, but my dad is strongly against it and I don't want to change his opinion while still under his roof. I'm basically alienated.
Of course, I can't do anything about any of these problems without money. My dad has finally gone back to work (his job is seasonal). Hopefully I'll get a job soon, I'm handing out more resumes on Tuesday, mostly gas stations and other big box stores, easily shit. I guess that's it.
Saturday, 26 February 2011
My Parents and I
I think I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, if I have a problem I'll talk to them about it...they're probably third don't the list. First my friends, then my sister, then my parents. I know a lot of people including my friends don't even talk to their parents about anything. Today I got really excited, I was texting Amanda, and she was talking about how comfortable her bed was in comparison to mine and she said I should come over which was awesome to me. Not just because she wanted me over at her house, but that I was even going over to her house. See, my ex kept everything hidden, even from her parents. They don't know she's banged probably 8 guys, done a whole bunch of drugs, and failed high school. When her shit hits the fan, it'll hit hard. Anyways, I was all happy about being able to actually go over to the girls house for once, all I kept texting Amanda when we first started texting was you should come over soon, but I completely forgot that I could go over to her. I feel dumb thinking about it now.
Wow, that's quite the tangent. What was I talking about? My relationship to my parents, right. Anyways, I feel like I can talk about a lot of different problems with them, kind of personal shit sometimes. A lot of it is kind of just basic probing questions, although I ask them about their relationship and compare it to mine. This usually comes out fruitless because their whole system is just fucked up compared to what I'd want. See, my parents are high school sweethearts, so I can't exactly go up to my dad and say How do I meet/pick up girls? He's just as experienced as me. Anyways, I was talking to them about how to be charming, assuming this will attract girls. I'm raised off the internet in terms of sexual health and dating, the things at the top of all the lists are, Humor, Confidence, Charming. All of those blend into the one Casanova type hero I have yet to become. I think I have humor down and I'm just getting the hang of being confident. The only thing left on the list was Charming, so I'll go to my parents, my dad must have had something to help him get my mom and I know he's funny and confident, what makes him charming?
So I asked my mom, what is charming? She didn't quite answer me but gave me something. Women want to feel safe. That's why you see girls with all the muscle junkies and rich guys, the muscle junkies provide the feeling of physical safety, and the rich guys give the safety that only money can provide. She said, if I can make them feel safe then I'll have them. You don't need to be a muscle bound jerk or rich to get girls, just look at your father. That made me feel good. Then I thought for a second, then I remembered something. Let me tell you about my dad. When he was getting together with my mom he had a car, he was fit, he had money, and he looked old enough to buy booze. What does that make you think of? To me, my dad was the Fonz when he was my age. I don't stand a chance, I still don't have a learners permit, I'm broke as shit (as is my family) and I'm fat. Now, I can fix all of those, but that takes some time and I'm actually taking the time to do it so suck it, but I wish my dad would have slapped me a bit and told me what I'd need to do to get what I want, knowing that what a teenage boy wants most is a girl.
When I get a son, that is what I will teach him, first to be a gentleman, or at least not a complete shithead. Second to take care of himself, physically, mentally, and monetarily. If he only has time for two, I'll give him the money. I plan to be wealthy as shit when I get older if nothing else because I've always hated being poor, months where we don't know if we can pay both the mortgage and the grocery bill. Where I can't go visit my friends because we don't have money for gas. I have to say that I love piracy, if not for piracy I would not be where I am in terms of sanity. The majority of my day is spent playing games, and I get sick of flash games pretty fast so the fact that I can download a game and play it somewhat on my shitty laptop is a blessing.
I leave with a quote from my dad about how to be charming.
When a girl is talking to you and is telling you about stuff. Remember that stuff, they love that.
Wow, that's quite the tangent. What was I talking about? My relationship to my parents, right. Anyways, I feel like I can talk about a lot of different problems with them, kind of personal shit sometimes. A lot of it is kind of just basic probing questions, although I ask them about their relationship and compare it to mine. This usually comes out fruitless because their whole system is just fucked up compared to what I'd want. See, my parents are high school sweethearts, so I can't exactly go up to my dad and say How do I meet/pick up girls? He's just as experienced as me. Anyways, I was talking to them about how to be charming, assuming this will attract girls. I'm raised off the internet in terms of sexual health and dating, the things at the top of all the lists are, Humor, Confidence, Charming. All of those blend into the one Casanova type hero I have yet to become. I think I have humor down and I'm just getting the hang of being confident. The only thing left on the list was Charming, so I'll go to my parents, my dad must have had something to help him get my mom and I know he's funny and confident, what makes him charming?
So I asked my mom, what is charming? She didn't quite answer me but gave me something. Women want to feel safe. That's why you see girls with all the muscle junkies and rich guys, the muscle junkies provide the feeling of physical safety, and the rich guys give the safety that only money can provide. She said, if I can make them feel safe then I'll have them. You don't need to be a muscle bound jerk or rich to get girls, just look at your father. That made me feel good. Then I thought for a second, then I remembered something. Let me tell you about my dad. When he was getting together with my mom he had a car, he was fit, he had money, and he looked old enough to buy booze. What does that make you think of? To me, my dad was the Fonz when he was my age. I don't stand a chance, I still don't have a learners permit, I'm broke as shit (as is my family) and I'm fat. Now, I can fix all of those, but that takes some time and I'm actually taking the time to do it so suck it, but I wish my dad would have slapped me a bit and told me what I'd need to do to get what I want, knowing that what a teenage boy wants most is a girl.
When I get a son, that is what I will teach him, first to be a gentleman, or at least not a complete shithead. Second to take care of himself, physically, mentally, and monetarily. If he only has time for two, I'll give him the money. I plan to be wealthy as shit when I get older if nothing else because I've always hated being poor, months where we don't know if we can pay both the mortgage and the grocery bill. Where I can't go visit my friends because we don't have money for gas. I have to say that I love piracy, if not for piracy I would not be where I am in terms of sanity. The majority of my day is spent playing games, and I get sick of flash games pretty fast so the fact that I can download a game and play it somewhat on my shitty laptop is a blessing.
I leave with a quote from my dad about how to be charming.
When a girl is talking to you and is telling you about stuff. Remember that stuff, they love that.
Friday, 25 February 2011
My finger is killing me.
I don't really have anything to say here... I think my finger is getting an infection...or something. It's swollen and hurts that's for sure, so if this post is short its because I type a lot of with that finger and it actually really hurts to touch it at all. This of course means I'm kind of limited in what I can do around my house to pass the time. I can't play xbox because my trigger finger is the one that hurts, I can't especially play the computer because right clicking hurts, so I've basically just been reading online and watching TV. I'm kind of getting bored of it.
I didn't text Amanda yesterday, which was weird. I wanted to, but I just didn't. I texted her today a bit, standard whats up affair. I asked her if shes free for this upcoming weekend (my birthday) but she didn't respond. I'm not worried though, she seems to either miss some/a lot of my texts or my phone just doesn't send half the time. Anyways, to give her a bit of a break on the whole sleeping with me the first night thing, I should mention that we had sexted a bit before and it was pretty much guaranteed she was going to do me when she saw me. I honestly don't know how I manage these things, 0 to 60 is apparently what I'm all about.
I think I'll update tomorrow or maybe even later tonight about my parents a bit...that's mostly for me, to remind myself what I wanted to talk about, that is unless something interesting happens.
I didn't text Amanda yesterday, which was weird. I wanted to, but I just didn't. I texted her today a bit, standard whats up affair. I asked her if shes free for this upcoming weekend (my birthday) but she didn't respond. I'm not worried though, she seems to either miss some/a lot of my texts or my phone just doesn't send half the time. Anyways, to give her a bit of a break on the whole sleeping with me the first night thing, I should mention that we had sexted a bit before and it was pretty much guaranteed she was going to do me when she saw me. I honestly don't know how I manage these things, 0 to 60 is apparently what I'm all about.
I think I'll update tomorrow or maybe even later tonight about my parents a bit...that's mostly for me, to remind myself what I wanted to talk about, that is unless something interesting happens.
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
To be or not to be, that is the dilemma...
Welcome back even though you've probably never been here before...
Anyways, my situation with Amanda is kind of messing with me. From my observations she seems to like me, or at least wants to do me again which I'm happy with don't get me wrong, but I'd like a relationship. Now I think that's also what she wants but its hard to gauge, she should be coming over to my house to hangout and watch movies (also known as a poor man's date, I'd take her out actually but I don't have a job currently).
The thing is that I don't know whether to continue...like, hmm, I want to say talking but I don't mean talking, I understand the need to talk to her everyday (and yes, I do want to talk to her so I do) but I'm not quite sure as to the whole, building a relationship (i.e friendship) with her at this point.
See, I've been friend zoned before as all guys have and right now guys everywhere are yelling at their monitors "BUT YOU FUCKING JUST FUCKED HER FOR FUCKS SAKE!". I retort with that this same problem has happened to me before (see: ex-girlfriend...I'll get to her when I want to). What I'm thinking about is not exactly the whole "asshole" scenario many nice guys listen to, i.e "omg, he ignores me all day and treats me like shit, you're so nice and talk to me all the time! I wish I had someone like you, but I'm going to go over here and fuck this other guy who's not you". I don't want to be the asshole of that equation, but I don't want to be the nice guy either, I'm sick of that. What I'm trying to do is almost border it. I talk to her everyday, mostly a "hey whats up?" back and forth and then if a conversation starts it goes on, otherwise it dies.
This kind of bugs me if only because I'm so used to being the nice guy and talking for hours and hours, so its mostly OCD and habit that makes me want to send another bunch of texts asking random questions which leads to mannerisms such as her saying "umm" and "uhh" in her texts back. These mannerisms of her speech make me over analyze the conversation. Basically, my mind is made up of various characters that try to be a functioning person and every character is either underdeveloped or over developed and that reflects the weight of their opinion in my overall choice to the situation... I don't know if that's worded clearly or if I've just managed to make a few skulls explode. Anyways, my typical thought process is this:
Caution: Dude...she said uhh, I think we crossed the line
Clingy: That means she hates us, we need to buy her flowers! STAT!
Calm: Shut up shut up shut up...I'm sure its fine, did she answer the question? Yeah? Good, then the conversation is done right?
Logic: Yup
Clingy: We need to keep her interested! People are always interested in people that always want to talk to them right?
Comparison: Okay, if someone texted you non-stop with retarded questions would you want them to fuck you?
Everyone: No....I think?
Comparison: Good, lets just leave it, if she wants to talk, she'll talk.
Logic: Yup
Now, imagine me going through that for every little text I get. Sometimes I don't get to Comparison and I've already sent the retarded questions, although some of them are fine, mostly "getting to know you" questions which I think are fine so hopefully I'm still in the clear. I'm still concerned though about my balance of talking to her and not talking to her. I have this urge to just send her a message like "OMG I LOVE YOU" even though I don't really know her and I'm only met her three times... I'm very clingy, and I understand that it is creepy, I'm trying to stop. Its one of the main reasons I'm doing a blog. To show myself how stupid/creepy some of my decisions and to discuss them both to myself and other randoms on the internet. Christ I go on rambling forever. Thoughts people?
Anyways, my situation with Amanda is kind of messing with me. From my observations she seems to like me, or at least wants to do me again which I'm happy with don't get me wrong, but I'd like a relationship. Now I think that's also what she wants but its hard to gauge, she should be coming over to my house to hangout and watch movies (also known as a poor man's date, I'd take her out actually but I don't have a job currently).
The thing is that I don't know whether to continue...like, hmm, I want to say talking but I don't mean talking, I understand the need to talk to her everyday (and yes, I do want to talk to her so I do) but I'm not quite sure as to the whole, building a relationship (i.e friendship) with her at this point.
See, I've been friend zoned before as all guys have and right now guys everywhere are yelling at their monitors "BUT YOU FUCKING JUST FUCKED HER FOR FUCKS SAKE!". I retort with that this same problem has happened to me before (see: ex-girlfriend...I'll get to her when I want to). What I'm thinking about is not exactly the whole "asshole" scenario many nice guys listen to, i.e "omg, he ignores me all day and treats me like shit, you're so nice and talk to me all the time! I wish I had someone like you, but I'm going to go over here and fuck this other guy who's not you". I don't want to be the asshole of that equation, but I don't want to be the nice guy either, I'm sick of that. What I'm trying to do is almost border it. I talk to her everyday, mostly a "hey whats up?" back and forth and then if a conversation starts it goes on, otherwise it dies.
This kind of bugs me if only because I'm so used to being the nice guy and talking for hours and hours, so its mostly OCD and habit that makes me want to send another bunch of texts asking random questions which leads to mannerisms such as her saying "umm" and "uhh" in her texts back. These mannerisms of her speech make me over analyze the conversation. Basically, my mind is made up of various characters that try to be a functioning person and every character is either underdeveloped or over developed and that reflects the weight of their opinion in my overall choice to the situation... I don't know if that's worded clearly or if I've just managed to make a few skulls explode. Anyways, my typical thought process is this:
Caution: Dude...she said uhh, I think we crossed the line
Clingy: That means she hates us, we need to buy her flowers! STAT!
Calm: Shut up shut up shut up...I'm sure its fine, did she answer the question? Yeah? Good, then the conversation is done right?
Logic: Yup
Clingy: We need to keep her interested! People are always interested in people that always want to talk to them right?
Comparison: Okay, if someone texted you non-stop with retarded questions would you want them to fuck you?
Everyone: No....I think?
Comparison: Good, lets just leave it, if she wants to talk, she'll talk.
Logic: Yup
Now, imagine me going through that for every little text I get. Sometimes I don't get to Comparison and I've already sent the retarded questions, although some of them are fine, mostly "getting to know you" questions which I think are fine so hopefully I'm still in the clear. I'm still concerned though about my balance of talking to her and not talking to her. I have this urge to just send her a message like "OMG I LOVE YOU" even though I don't really know her and I'm only met her three times... I'm very clingy, and I understand that it is creepy, I'm trying to stop. Its one of the main reasons I'm doing a blog. To show myself how stupid/creepy some of my decisions and to discuss them both to myself and other randoms on the internet. Christ I go on rambling forever. Thoughts people?
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
I hate scheduling dates.
You know what I hate about trying to start a relationship while someone is in college? Its the fact that you're always busy, whether it be the school hours themselves, the homework on top of it all, or just holding down a job to pay for it all. Now that I really want to see Amanda seriously rather than some kind of one night thing I'm trying to set up a sort of movie marathon thing. This was the original date idea for us because apparently we both think that's a great night/date and that just makes me like (read: love uncontrollably) her more.
Another thing I hate is how I develop overwhelming crushes over little things, although I believe I'm better at it now, I've learned a few red flags that I know to avoid. Although Amanda does display some of them. However she's managed to dodge a red flag I was really worried about, the whole "slut" thing. See, for me, if you've done more than 6-7 people by age 17-18 (see: ex-girlfriend) then I'd say you're somewhat of a slut, now don't get me wrong, I'm sure you could manage that even with serious relationships throughout high school but that seems like too many people for that early in your life (for reference I'm just about 19 and I'm now at 2 people, go me and the nice guy team :D).
I know what you're thinking, "Amanda's a slut! She just fucked you on your second meeting, what are you an idiot? She must have cocks in her at all times!". That does cross my mind, but while we were meeting at my house last night she was talking:
A: I've easily had sex over 500 times....
Calvin and I look at each other, dread paints over my face...I know now that I don't really feel up to plunging my shaft into the well traveled hole that is Amanda.
A: That sounds bad, but I've probably only done it with like, 3 or 4 guys.
I look at Calvin and smile, my compulsive need to compare experiences leads me to think "YES! So long as she can count the dicks on one hand I'm good to go".
Some still might be thinking she's a slut, I personally don't, its quality over quantity (of people...not the sex you perverts, although I must say she seemed to enjoy it a lot). See, I know her history a bit, the people she's done have always been in relationships with her, you know, excluding me...why am I always the exception?...more on that comment later (see: ex-girlfriend).
Anyways this seems to be me rambling and going off topic...which you'll have to get used to if you'd want to keep reading because that's just how I write. The gist is, I'm trying to find a date which works for both me and Amanda that's soon because I really really really want to see her again (to hang out, not to fuck you perverts...but that's always an option).
If you're reading this, mind putting down a comment? Thoughts on Amanda? Tips on writing? tell me what you'd like to hear and I'll talk about it to the best of my abilities...I'm very insecure. LOVE ME DAMNIT
Another thing I hate is how I develop overwhelming crushes over little things, although I believe I'm better at it now, I've learned a few red flags that I know to avoid. Although Amanda does display some of them. However she's managed to dodge a red flag I was really worried about, the whole "slut" thing. See, for me, if you've done more than 6-7 people by age 17-18 (see: ex-girlfriend) then I'd say you're somewhat of a slut, now don't get me wrong, I'm sure you could manage that even with serious relationships throughout high school but that seems like too many people for that early in your life (for reference I'm just about 19 and I'm now at 2 people, go me and the nice guy team :D).
I know what you're thinking, "Amanda's a slut! She just fucked you on your second meeting, what are you an idiot? She must have cocks in her at all times!". That does cross my mind, but while we were meeting at my house last night she was talking:
A: I've easily had sex over 500 times....
Calvin and I look at each other, dread paints over my face...I know now that I don't really feel up to plunging my shaft into the well traveled hole that is Amanda.
A: That sounds bad, but I've probably only done it with like, 3 or 4 guys.
I look at Calvin and smile, my compulsive need to compare experiences leads me to think "YES! So long as she can count the dicks on one hand I'm good to go".
Some still might be thinking she's a slut, I personally don't, its quality over quantity (of people...not the sex you perverts, although I must say she seemed to enjoy it a lot). See, I know her history a bit, the people she's done have always been in relationships with her, you know, excluding me...why am I always the exception?...more on that comment later (see: ex-girlfriend).
Anyways this seems to be me rambling and going off topic...which you'll have to get used to if you'd want to keep reading because that's just how I write. The gist is, I'm trying to find a date which works for both me and Amanda that's soon because I really really really want to see her again (to hang out, not to fuck you perverts...but that's always an option).
If you're reading this, mind putting down a comment? Thoughts on Amanda? Tips on writing? tell me what you'd like to hear and I'll talk about it to the best of my abilities...I'm very insecure. LOVE ME DAMNIT
Monday, 21 February 2011
Third time's the charm :)
I should probably put a bit more history into this before I just go ahead and say it, so I will.
At the moment, my only prospect for a relationship has been this girl Amanda. I've only met her 3 times, the first time was mostly a drop by and at the time I wasn't thinking of her (I was with my ex). Not to mention that we didn't talk at all, in fact she made jokes with her friend Katt at our expense; our expense being that we're nerds. The scene they walked in on was this:
Steven and I playing starcraft 1 together on a laptop and a computer
Calvin playing Assassins Creed 1 on the xbox with Nick watching
An oven beeping and most likely burning a pizza
Clothes and pop cans everywhere
4 cats huddled together on a bed
I can understand where they're coming from when they say we're nerds.
Anyways, the second time I met her was at a party. This time I was supposed to be trying for a relationship (I had just broken up) but she just happened to be wearing this terrible baby blue sweater from the Gap. I don't know why, although I suspect some long forgotten childhood memory has something to do with it, but I hated it, and by hating that I hated her...or atleast disliked her. During the party I managed to ignore her until we were taking care of Calvin who managed to drink a little too much. This part was fun as she seemed smart and interesting leading me to set up a time for meeting her at my house later that week. While waiting for her the day of I get a text "I can't come over, I'm having sex with my girlfriend". Ouch... At this point my ego has taken a significant blow and I just give up on the prospect.
Recently though she's starting texting me saying how she was sorry she was a bitch to me before and wants to make up for it (already a plus in my book, acknowledging that sometimes you're a bitch is always a plus). We've been basically setting up plans every weekend but they kept getting fucked up by the weather (i.e snow storms) but tonight was different, she actually came over. Only problem was that Calvin was over, so for about an hour we were separated from each other (I was in a chair, and she was on my bed) but I managed to smoothly slam down on the bed beside her...you know, because I'm cool like that. Anyways, my head hurts lets get to the point and I'll elaborate later (I'm sorry, headache = not being able to write and I'm kind of trying to figure out if I'd like to write more comically or more just "yup here's my life"). The point being, I had sex with her and I think that this could actually turn into a meaningful relationship, but as I said, more on that later.
At the moment, my only prospect for a relationship has been this girl Amanda. I've only met her 3 times, the first time was mostly a drop by and at the time I wasn't thinking of her (I was with my ex). Not to mention that we didn't talk at all, in fact she made jokes with her friend Katt at our expense; our expense being that we're nerds. The scene they walked in on was this:
Steven and I playing starcraft 1 together on a laptop and a computer
Calvin playing Assassins Creed 1 on the xbox with Nick watching
An oven beeping and most likely burning a pizza
Clothes and pop cans everywhere
4 cats huddled together on a bed
I can understand where they're coming from when they say we're nerds.
Anyways, the second time I met her was at a party. This time I was supposed to be trying for a relationship (I had just broken up) but she just happened to be wearing this terrible baby blue sweater from the Gap. I don't know why, although I suspect some long forgotten childhood memory has something to do with it, but I hated it, and by hating that I hated her...or atleast disliked her. During the party I managed to ignore her until we were taking care of Calvin who managed to drink a little too much. This part was fun as she seemed smart and interesting leading me to set up a time for meeting her at my house later that week. While waiting for her the day of I get a text "I can't come over, I'm having sex with my girlfriend". Ouch... At this point my ego has taken a significant blow and I just give up on the prospect.
Recently though she's starting texting me saying how she was sorry she was a bitch to me before and wants to make up for it (already a plus in my book, acknowledging that sometimes you're a bitch is always a plus). We've been basically setting up plans every weekend but they kept getting fucked up by the weather (i.e snow storms) but tonight was different, she actually came over. Only problem was that Calvin was over, so for about an hour we were separated from each other (I was in a chair, and she was on my bed) but I managed to smoothly slam down on the bed beside her...you know, because I'm cool like that. Anyways, my head hurts lets get to the point and I'll elaborate later (I'm sorry, headache = not being able to write and I'm kind of trying to figure out if I'd like to write more comically or more just "yup here's my life"). The point being, I had sex with her and I think that this could actually turn into a meaningful relationship, but as I said, more on that later.
Sunday, 20 February 2011
Quite the Emo Title I've got don't I?
For those wondering, the title is a lyric from a song, Empty Walls by Serj Tankian which is something I've listened to a lot recently because of my friend.
Anyways, what I'm hoping this thing will be about is basically my attempts at getting and maintaining a relationship with the opposite sex (girls, lots and lots of girls, or women, take your pick). So far my only relationship was kind of fucked up, a train wreck is what my sister and mom called her. I feel like its a training ground from which I hope I've learned something, a minefield of feelings I didn't think I had and some I've denied having for too long. That whole thing is for later though, when I have another girl to take my mind of her because every time I think about the situation I can't help but hate her and myself for being an idiot.
If for some reason I don't have a reasonably decent post about women I'll probably talk about how I'm at least trying to better myself. I tell myself I'm fixing myself up for myself, but its really all for the girls, I've creating lots of bad habits over the years which have screwed me out of too many chances to make friends or have girlfriends so Present/Future me have to change those. Basically, what I think are my biggest problems stem from either my looks (weight, face, nails) or my lack of money (so...a job, surprisingly hard to get with no job experience). Although the only thing that I'm working on other than those two is learning a new language, mostly because I've always thought it'd be cool to talk to my dad in French and Spanish (which he knows).
Okay...Hmm, I'd like to post more now, but I think I'll save it up, get a couple good day to day posts to keep the rabble interested.
Anyways, what I'm hoping this thing will be about is basically my attempts at getting and maintaining a relationship with the opposite sex (girls, lots and lots of girls, or women, take your pick). So far my only relationship was kind of fucked up, a train wreck is what my sister and mom called her. I feel like its a training ground from which I hope I've learned something, a minefield of feelings I didn't think I had and some I've denied having for too long. That whole thing is for later though, when I have another girl to take my mind of her because every time I think about the situation I can't help but hate her and myself for being an idiot.
If for some reason I don't have a reasonably decent post about women I'll probably talk about how I'm at least trying to better myself. I tell myself I'm fixing myself up for myself, but its really all for the girls, I've creating lots of bad habits over the years which have screwed me out of too many chances to make friends or have girlfriends so Present/Future me have to change those. Basically, what I think are my biggest problems stem from either my looks (weight, face, nails) or my lack of money (so...a job, surprisingly hard to get with no job experience). Although the only thing that I'm working on other than those two is learning a new language, mostly because I've always thought it'd be cool to talk to my dad in French and Spanish (which he knows).
Okay...Hmm, I'd like to post more now, but I think I'll save it up, get a couple good day to day posts to keep the rabble interested.
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