Well, I'm going to the YMCA now, I can notice a difference in my body comp and strength and all that. Now I just have to keep doing that, eating a decent amount, running, I should be good to go in a few months.
Either way, this post isn't about that. I'm having mental problems. I can't quite define how I feel.
My mind seems to contradict itself, constantly. I'll think one way, and then another the next second. I keep getting phases where I think I'm schizophrenic or something, I end up analyzing what I'm doing, trying to place symptoms. I'm pretty sure I'm normal, I just hope it isn't like the beginning stages and this is where I can save myself :/.
I would say I'm lonely, I think I'd say that. Not to anybody publicly, but just in general. The thing is though, I don't want to go out and hang with people, I'm tired all the time, or at least it feels like it. I think I'm spending too much time on the computer.
Fuck, this is a boring post. I want my laptop back. I want someone to talk to, I'm sick of thinking to myself. I'm lonely as shit. I want to be vulnerable to someone, without the fear of backlash or some kind of thing against my opening up.
I keep thinking it's going to get better. Honestly it has. Right now is probably temporary, but it keeps coming back. Just the lonely feeling, I do want to talk to someone, but not anyone in my circle that I've got. A new person, I want a girlfriend to confide in. I just hate the thought of being desperate, because I do want one terribly badly. Does having standards negate desperation, is desperation defined as not by how much you want a girlfriend and instead by your standards? Would that make "I'm just waiting for a girl I like" a decent excuse?
I don't know anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment