That must be nice, having someone to lean on; when you're going through life and the pressure or the problems just get a bit too much or you've been working on them too long you just want to take a load off. It's nice to have someone to kinda just hold you and relax you.
Ugh, I want to write. Everytime I feel sort of depressed I come back to this, which sucks because I'm legit happy a decent amount of the time too, I just always come here to talk to myself... yet again. It just feels like I'm talking to someone. Fuck me.
Friday 28 September 2012
Saturday 15 September 2012
I'm having trouble thinking clearly
Well, I'm going to the YMCA now, I can notice a difference in my body comp and strength and all that. Now I just have to keep doing that, eating a decent amount, running, I should be good to go in a few months.
Either way, this post isn't about that. I'm having mental problems. I can't quite define how I feel.
My mind seems to contradict itself, constantly. I'll think one way, and then another the next second. I keep getting phases where I think I'm schizophrenic or something, I end up analyzing what I'm doing, trying to place symptoms. I'm pretty sure I'm normal, I just hope it isn't like the beginning stages and this is where I can save myself :/.
I would say I'm lonely, I think I'd say that. Not to anybody publicly, but just in general. The thing is though, I don't want to go out and hang with people, I'm tired all the time, or at least it feels like it. I think I'm spending too much time on the computer.
Fuck, this is a boring post. I want my laptop back. I want someone to talk to, I'm sick of thinking to myself. I'm lonely as shit. I want to be vulnerable to someone, without the fear of backlash or some kind of thing against my opening up.
I keep thinking it's going to get better. Honestly it has. Right now is probably temporary, but it keeps coming back. Just the lonely feeling, I do want to talk to someone, but not anyone in my circle that I've got. A new person, I want a girlfriend to confide in. I just hate the thought of being desperate, because I do want one terribly badly. Does having standards negate desperation, is desperation defined as not by how much you want a girlfriend and instead by your standards? Would that make "I'm just waiting for a girl I like" a decent excuse?
I don't know anymore.
Either way, this post isn't about that. I'm having mental problems. I can't quite define how I feel.
My mind seems to contradict itself, constantly. I'll think one way, and then another the next second. I keep getting phases where I think I'm schizophrenic or something, I end up analyzing what I'm doing, trying to place symptoms. I'm pretty sure I'm normal, I just hope it isn't like the beginning stages and this is where I can save myself :/.
I would say I'm lonely, I think I'd say that. Not to anybody publicly, but just in general. The thing is though, I don't want to go out and hang with people, I'm tired all the time, or at least it feels like it. I think I'm spending too much time on the computer.
Fuck, this is a boring post. I want my laptop back. I want someone to talk to, I'm sick of thinking to myself. I'm lonely as shit. I want to be vulnerable to someone, without the fear of backlash or some kind of thing against my opening up.
I keep thinking it's going to get better. Honestly it has. Right now is probably temporary, but it keeps coming back. Just the lonely feeling, I do want to talk to someone, but not anyone in my circle that I've got. A new person, I want a girlfriend to confide in. I just hate the thought of being desperate, because I do want one terribly badly. Does having standards negate desperation, is desperation defined as not by how much you want a girlfriend and instead by your standards? Would that make "I'm just waiting for a girl I like" a decent excuse?
I don't know anymore.
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